Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Content? You can't handle the Content

OK *bites bullet* - this is a *drumroll* lesbian funny and cooking blog (the two go together - they will, I'll make them).

For my first post I will, errr, recycle content. This is an old joke, with the 'slob' addition added by someone off another forum, and the 'geek' addition done by me. Yes I'm a geek - well, more of a wanna be geek - but I have a blog now, that's gotta count for something =D.

Femme - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
Butch - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me The butch's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."
Slob - Add some ramen and call it Miso Style.
Geek - Pfft, use an oven? I just use my overclocked microwave. Sure, my food explodes, but at least it's done faster than everyone else's.

Femme - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Butch- Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who the hell cares?
Slob - Take off glasses, clean, put back on. There you can see the computer/tv screen much better now and the headache should go away.
Geek - Adjust your earphone / mic / headset with one hand, while still chatting, surfing the web, and downloading questionable material with the other.

Femme - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Butch- Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up anyway.
Slob - Lick it off your t-shirt later.
Geek - Just use the icecream from your overclocked freezer. Yeah, you have to use a hammer and chisel to get it out the tub, but it's not going to melt in a hurry.
"*Arghh! brain freeze."
"Hehe - Cool, I'm gonna try that again."

Femme - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Butch- Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry about the potatoes growing arms and legs.
Slob - Let 'em grow, free potatoes in four weeks.
Geek - Potatoes? They're those things that potato chips are made from, right?

Femme - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white powdery mess on the bottom of the cake.
Butch- Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate it for you.
Slob - better still, just eat the cake mix raw.
Geek - did you know that you can make flour explode into a huge fireball under the right conditions... here's how.

Femme - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Butch- Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over anything, so don't do it.
Slob - the gas station down the road sells them already baked!
Geek - pi = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795

Femme - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Butch- Go ask the very HOT neighbor to do it. Even though you know that you could open it if you really wanted to.
Slob - Use tire iron to prise off lid... and eat contents with.
Geek - You have a special jar opening device for just this occasion, if only you could find it.

And finally the most important tip....

Femme- Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Butch - Leftover wine?? Hello!
Slob - Wine shmine, vodka is cheaper.
Geek - You drink caffeinated heart attack in a can, while trying to write humourous articles for your blog. ;)

3 comments:

dykalicious said...

Hey, you have the blog name of my dreams. Well done! I was left with http://dykaliciousworld.blogspot.com/.

Anonymous said...

hi T,
how r u still drawing those noral lines in the red sand 4 me to cross.
but i do keep my hand to mineself it save 4 play

Inappropriate Humour Man

Taz said...

=)

I have no idea what you just wrote - either you're a pisshead (naaaah), or just weird. IHM

PS For those that don't know IHM is a mate, and as such fair game for mockery.